Does the believer have to stay married to a non believer?

The question of whether a believer must stay married to a non-believer is an important and sensitive issue within Christian theology. This topic primarily involves understanding the guidance provided in the New Testament, particularly in the letters of the Apostle Paul. The Bible provides relevant passages that offer insight into this matter.

Biblical Foundation

1 Corinthians 7:10-16 (NKJV)

The most direct passage addressing the issue of marriage between a believer and a non-believer is found in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16:

“Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”

Analysis and Interpretation

Commands Concerning Divorce

Paul begins by reiterating the command of the Lord (referencing Jesus’ teaching on marriage) that a wife should not depart from her husband, and if she does, she should remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. Similarly, a husband is not to divorce his wife. This aligns with Jesus’ teachings in the Gospels, where He emphasizes the sanctity and indissolubility of marriage (Matthew 19:3-9, NKJV).

Marriage to a Non-Believer

Paul then addresses marriages between Christians and non-Christians, distinguishing that this specific instruction comes from him, not directly from the Lord’s earthly teachings. If a Christian is married to a non-Christian and the non-Christian is willing to live with the Christian, the Christian should not divorce the non-Christian. This directive underscores the importance of maintaining the marriage covenant, even when there is a difference in faith.

Sanctification of the Unbelieving Spouse

A significant theological point Paul makes is that the non-Christian spouse is sanctified by the Christian spouse. This sanctification does not imply salvation but rather a special status conferred on the non-Christian due to their association with the Christian. This concept also extends to their children, who are considered holy.

Departure of the Unbelieving Spouse

However, if the non-Christian spouse chooses to depart, the Christian is not under bondage. This phrase has been interpreted to mean that the Christian is not obligated to maintain the marriage if the non-Christian spouse leaves. Paul emphasizes that God has called Christians to live in peace, suggesting that forced maintenance of a contentious marriage is not required.

Broader Biblical Context

Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce

In Matthew 19:3-9 (NKJV), Jesus addresses the Pharisees on the subject of divorce:

“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’ And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’ He said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.'”

Jesus’ teaching emphasizes the permanence of marriage, allowing divorce only in the case of sexual immorality. This establishes a high view of marriage, highlighting its indissoluble nature as intended by God.

Unequally Yoked

Another relevant passage is 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (NKJV):

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?”

This passage, although not specifically about marriage, provides a principle that can apply to close partnerships, including marriage. It warns Christians about the potential conflicts and spiritual dangers of being closely united with non-Christians.

Practical and Pastoral Implications

Maintaining the Marriage

In the case of two non-Christians who are already married, when one of them becomes a Christian, the Bible advises the Christian to stay with his non-Christian spouse. This goal is very important and the Christian should be willing to be patient and endure hardship in order to bring it to pass. One should never stop living as an honest Christian, no matter what aggravation may arise to cause stumbling.

The Role of Peace

Paul’s emphasis on peace is crucial. In cases where the non-believer departs, the believer is not bound to forcefully preserve the marriage. If peace cannot be gained while the believer and the non-believer are living together in lawful marriage, and the nun-believer insists on departing, there should be agreement on a peaceful separation.

Evangelistic Potential

The reason why the believing spouse should not take the initiative to leave the other, or desire to be separated from the unbeliever, is that the non-Christian might be led to accept Christ as their Savior by the example and life of his/her converted spouse. The Christian should have a daily relationship with God (study the Word and pray) that the non-Christian spouse may be won over from unbelief to a life of peace and happy preparation for eternity. The conversion of the non-Christian would bring great joy and peace to the family on earth as well as the family in heaven.

Historical and Cultural Context

Early Christian Marriages

In the early church, many conversions occurred within already established marriages. Thus, the guidance provided by Paul was practical for believers who found themselves married to non-believers post-conversion.

Jewish and Roman Marital Laws

Jewish and Roman laws at the time had different perspectives on marriage and divorce. Jewish law, based on Deuteronomy 24:1-4, allowed for divorce due to the stubbornness of men, whereas Roman law permitted relatively easy dissolution of marriage. Paul’s guidance sought to balance these cultural norms with Christian principles.

Modern Application

Pastoral Care

Church leaders today often face situations where one spouse converts to Christianity, leaving a mixed-belief marriage. The pastoral application of 1 Corinthians 7 involves providing support and guidance to the believing spouse, emphasizing the importance of maintaining the marriage if possible, while also recognizing the legitimacy of separation if the non-believer departs.

Counseling and Support

Believers in mixed marriages may require counseling and community support to navigate the unique challenges they face. Churches can offer resources and support groups to help these individuals maintain their faith and family life.

Legal Considerations

Modern legal frameworks for marriage and divorce vary by country and culture. Believers are encouraged to respect and comply with civil laws while adhering to biblical principles.

Conclusion

The question of whether a believer must stay married to a non-believer is addressed comprehensively in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 (NKJV), supported by broader biblical teachings. Paul’s guidance emphasizes the importance of maintaining the marriage if the non-believing spouse is willing to stay, recognizing the sanctifying influence the believer can have on their household. However, if the non-believer chooses to depart, the believer is not under bondage and is called to peace.

This approach highlights the balance between upholding the sanctity of marriage and recognizing the practical realities and challenges faced by believers in mixed-belief marriages. Ultimately, the decision involves pastoral care, spiritual guidance, and a commitment to live out Christian principles in every aspect of life.

By understanding and applying these biblical teachings, believers can navigate the complexities of marriage with faith, wisdom, and grace, trusting in God’s guidance and provision.

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In His service,
BibleAsk Team