God is your Loving Heavenly Father, He feels your pain and is touched by it and He will do whatever it takes to relieve you from your pain if that is for your eternal benefit. Your Father loved you unto death and He didn’t withhold His own life in order to save you (John 3:16). There is no greater love than this (John 15:13). Therefore, you need to trust Him and let Him lead and guide and when it is time for you to go, He will do the call but not you.
Taking matters in your hands is sinful and leads to eternal death. First: it is breaking God’s commandments which says, “thou shalt not kill” (Exodus 20:13). And Second: it shows lack of faith in His excellent care of us. Without faith, we can’t be saved (Hebrews 11:6).
Therefore, do not lose hope and be discouraged for this is the work of the enemy – the devil. He knows that if he makes you lose hope and end your life, he has sealed your destiny forever with him. And this way he wins by breaking God’s heart over the loss of you.
God has excellent future plans for you here and in heaven. You need to let Him reveal it to you through the Bible. Jesus is your best friend. He is the Creator of the Universe and all that is out there belongs to Him and He will not withhold any good thing from you.
But unfortunately the struggles of this life is the only way we can grow and become more like Him. The Bible is full of examples of people who wanted to die, but God used them for good. Elijah was one of the greatest prophets to live. He asked the Lord to let him die after being discouraged, but God told him he wasn’t going to do that yet. Some time after that experience, and after Elijah did more work for the Lord, he was taken up to heaven in a chariot of fire. If Elijah’s prayer was answered, he would have never had that incredible experience of victory over the powers of darkness. God knows what is best, we just have to trust Him.
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In His service,