Should a woman submit to her boyfriend before marriage?

Author: BibleAsk Team


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Speaker 1

Says hello.

Speaker 2

Happy to see you guys.

Speaker 1

God bless.

Speaker 2

Should women or girlfriends submit to their boyfriend or man before marriage? Or do both parties submit to their parents before marriage?

Speaker 1

Thank you.

Speaker 3

Yeah, it’s an interesting question, Robert. And we know for personal experience, where we’ve had friends whose lives were really put on hold because they had a dad who then was really controlling, refused to let them ever get married. And then they get to the point where they’re like 38, 40 now, scrambling to find someone who married them while they could still have kids. And it’s just really unfortunate.

Speaker 4

And that’s not the sort of situation.

Speaker 5

I think, that God ever intended.

Speaker 3

Yeah, God wants us to love and honor our parents. That is an important foundational principle.

Speaker 5

And that is the Fifth Commandment, is to honor your parents in Exodus 20.

Speaker 3

But.

Speaker 5

We need a step back.

Speaker 3

What’s this idea of submitting? Why submitting even? Why do wives submit to husbands? And let’s start there. Let’s look at Ephesians, the Book of.

Speaker 5

Ephesians, starting at verse this is chapter six.

Speaker 3

And let’s start up at verse 20.

Speaker 5

A lot of people start at verse 22.

Speaker 3

Let’s back up a little bit.

Speaker 5

Start at verse 20.

Speaker 3

There’s a long list of things Paul is talking about that all Christians should do in general.

Speaker 5

And he says, like, giving thanks always.

Speaker 3

For all the things to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And then he ends this list of all these things that Christians should do with submitting to one another in the fear of God. So all Christians should submit to each other. Like submission is a natural part of what our walk should be. We should not be in this battle where we’re clamoring to be at the top to lord over and control others. It’s always about submitting and acting in other people’s best interests. This is love at its core.

Speaker 4

And ultimately you take all the Ten.

Speaker 3

Commandments, what do they add up to? They’re about loving it’s, showing us different ways to love. There’s four commandments on how we love God and six commandments how we love men. And Renault. That Fifth commandment is very much about the submission.

Speaker 5

And it’s not just about submission to.

Speaker 3

Our parents, it’s also to elders in general.

Speaker 5

And we’ll look at it verse, but.

Speaker 3

A lot of people like to skip this part about submitting to everybody and like to just jump straight to Ephesians 622, which is wives, submit to your.

Speaker 5

Husbands as to the Lord.

Speaker 3

And again, it should be everybody is submitting. Husbands to some degree submit to their wives. Yes, they’re the head of the household, but whose interests are they watching out for?

Speaker 5

Who are they responsible for? And in fact, it says Ephesians 525.

Speaker 3

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for her. So husbands, be willing to sacrifice yourself for your wife. That’s a level of submission and sacrifice and love that’s being called to you. So what about the boyfriend girlfriend context? I mean, obviously you’re not in the same level of relationship, the same level.

Speaker 5

Of commitment as a husband and wife would be.

Speaker 4

And so it’s not going to be.

Speaker 3

On the same level. Like you don’t go sacrificing making gigantic.

Speaker 5

Leaps of love that you would when you’re married and you really should as a marriage.

Speaker 3

But I’m not saying don’t practice it some degree, especially if it’s someone you’re really certain about. Like if basically on a verge of.

Speaker 5

Engagement, then you could keep amping up your love.

Speaker 3

But a lot of people rush into relationships when they really should not be. They’re exposing their heart to pain and heartache when they shouldn’t. And the more love you pour into somebody, the more you invest, the harder a breakup would be.

Speaker 5

So as the Song of says.

Speaker 3

Don’T basically don’t unleash love until the right time. Tina, what was that verse?

Speaker 6

Don’t awaken love too soon?

Speaker 3

Yeah, something like that. And he says that many times in the book of Song of Solomon.

Speaker 7

Many times, I think at least three.

Speaker 3

Times that’s stating in the Song of.

Speaker 5

Solomon, don’t awaken love too soon.

Speaker 3

So let’s look at a couple more verses though. Just two more. First, Peter five. Peter writes he says, likewise, you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another and be clothed with humility. For God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. So there’s constantly this emphasis. Again, be humble, be submissive, be putting other people first. Now, again, there’s always this realm of reason. We always have to exercise judgment because again, the people over us, the people we’re submitting to, can be wrong. They could be doing things that actually are sinful. And we don’t just blindly submit ourselves into sin or let sin continue to destruction of ourselves or others. So it’s tough when you’re in a situation like that because God never wanted anybody to ever be in a situation such as that.

Speaker 7

We’re always supposed to be loving each other, everybody’s loving everybody, and everything is.

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Going to be great and swell and fine. But because of sin we have these.

Speaker 5

Really tough situations which nobody was ever supposed to be in.

Speaker 3

But sometimes love then means you got to be firm. You got to stand up for what’s right.

Speaker 4

You got to really pray hard, ask.

Speaker 3

God for guidance on what to do.

Speaker 5

And how to get out of that situation. But generally, generally it is submitted to your elders.

Speaker 3

They’ve been around a lot longer, they know a lot more things, they’re a lot more experienced.

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And hopefully if they’re acting in your.

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Interest, they love you, then you should be able to trust them to don’t.

Speaker 3

Turn off your brain, but submit to.

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Them, for hopefully they know what’s right. And finally, last verse, because this really.

Speaker 3

Sums it up right?

Speaker 5

That why resubmitting what’s all the submission about. And this is Mark Ten verse 44.

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And this is in the context of the twelve disciples are gathered and they.

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Are actually this one isn’t.

Speaker 3

But there’s a similar verse to this too, where whenever the twelve disciples all.

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Get together with Jesus and they’re in.

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The upper room and nobody’s stepping up.

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To wash the other people’s feet.

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And Jesus, who’s the head of the pact, he’s the rabbi, he’s the one.

Speaker 5

Who actually goes humbles himself and washes everybody’s feet. And to this Christ basically sums it.

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Up with these words.

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This is Mark Ten, verse 44 and.

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Whoever of you desires to be first.

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Shall be slaves of all. So if you want to be a.

Speaker 3

Real leader, if you really want to.

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Be the person who is in a position of responsibility over others, you really.

Speaker 3

Need to be prepared in your heart to be the servant of everybody.

Speaker 5

You’re there to serve them, help them.

Speaker 3

In their best interest. And hopefully those also in leadership above you are of the same mindset. That’s what God is expecting of them.

Speaker 5

And when they are not being a.

Speaker 3

Servant to you, when they are just.

Speaker 5

Acting in their own self interest, these.

Speaker 3

Laws of submission are broken and you.

Speaker 5

Are not on the hook to submit to them.

Speaker 1

I want to add to this also.

Speaker 2

That one of the key signs that.

Speaker 1

Somebody is there’s a lot of people that are like, I’m doing what is.

Speaker 2

The righteous thing to do and you need to submit to me.

Speaker 1

Well that is actually a sign.

Speaker 2

Like if someone has that idea that I need to tell someone else to submit to me because of this scripture or whatever, that’s an indication that actually they’re probably not in the right here because that’s a very controlling thing to do as opposed to a loving thing to do to expect or demand somebody else to submit.

Speaker 1

So to me that’s a red flag that somebody should be, both parties should.

Speaker 2

Be aware of if the dynamic is.

Speaker 1

Getting to that place. So submission is important, but it is the role of each party to choose of their own choice to submit to the other, not to ever demand submission from the other.

Speaker 5

Yeah, once it’s demanded.

Speaker 3

That is a big red flag.

Speaker 5

Big red flag.

Speaker 3

We see your comment and yes, these.

Speaker 4

Everything that we say here, every question.

Speaker 3

Gets chopped up into its own shorter.

Speaker 5

Video and we’ll make a note to.

Speaker 4

Send you a copy of that when.

Speaker 5

The clip is ready.

Speaker 4

So thank you for asking and being.

Speaker 5

Here and we’re glad that was helpful. And Tina, did you have anything to add?

Speaker 6

No, I think you answered it pretty well. Yeah. Only thought is just hopefully you have Godly parents and if they’re giving you advice like, hey, slow down. Hey, don’t stay out too late with your girlfriend, that might not be bad. Advice, but obviously we want to honor our parents with the balance of hey, we also need to be preparing to leave and cleave because we are called to marriage. And that’s not a bad thing.

Speaker 2

And the question there is, is what our parents are asking in line with God’s plan or desire? Or is it coming from a place of selfishness or self preservation or self protection versus alignment with God? So that’s an element to also consider when evaluating whether someone should submit or not on a particular matter.

Speaker 6

Yeah, it takes some wisdom. Pray for wisdom.

Speaker 1

Absolutely. Close it’s.

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BibleAsk Team

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