Is dating a married man a sin?

Automatic Transcript Generated

Speaker 1

So Brenda is asking, is dating a married man a sin?

Speaker 2

Brenda, that is a very good question. And I don’t know if you’re asking for yourself or for somebody else or you’re just curious, but I will give you a very biblical answer and then I will give you some biblical advice, and then I’ll give you my personal advice, if that’s okay. I’ll try to keep it quick, but I do want to make sure I give you the proper attention to this because this is a very serious question and it can have eternal consequences. So I do want you to know exactly what the Bible says about this. As far as what is sin, you’re asking, is it sin to date a married man? As far as what is sin? One John three four says, sin is a transgression of the law, and we know that the law of God in Exodus Chapter 20, verse 14 says, do not commit adultery. It is a sin to commit adultery. Now, you might be saying, well, I’m just going on a date. I’m not actually having sex with this person or whatnot, but you’re basically on that path. And Jesus warns us about not even going on that path.

Speaker 2

Jesus says, you say not to commit adultery, but you lust after somebody in your heart, then you’ve already committed adultery. And so you really need to guard yourself. Whoever this is needs to guard themselves in order to prevent those actions that lead up to the actual act. Because even just letting your mind run in that direction, which will easily happen if you’re dating somebody, you’re definitely going in that wrong path. Now, as far as just biblical advice, jesus is something very true. I always try to bring up simple truths of Jesus that he says. And he said something I think we all know in Luke, Chapter 631, which is the golden rule. Do you want to others as you would have them to do to you? And if you are married to somebody, whether or not you were getting along with them, would you want somebody else to come and date your spouse, go on a date with them? Probably not. I’m married and I would be devastated if I found out my husband just went on a date with somebody else. My heart would be crushed. I would not be okay with it. So please, it’s not okay.

Speaker 2

You would not want that. I’m speaking as a married woman. I would not want somebody to do that to me. So I would probably, in this wife’s case, be speaking for her as well. And the thing is, as far as just biblical advice as to where somebody’s role is, when there’s a single woman dealing with a married man, that you have to be very, very careful because we are supposed to be doing things that even look like sin, avoid even the appearance of evil. But the thing is to God says something very special about marriage. And when you look at the Book of Mark, chapter ten, verses seven through nine, I really want us to focus on this really quick because I think this is very important. And Mark, chapter seven versus seven through nine, this is really key as far as date or not date married. And it says, basically talking to marriage, jesus says, for this cost shall a man leave his father, mother and cleave to his wife. So a man is only supposed to cleave to his wife. And Jesus says in verse eight, they shall become one flesh. They’re no more two flesh, but one flesh.

Speaker 2

And in verse nine, it says something. What therefore God has joined together, let no one put us under. In the New Kingdom version, what God has joined together, let no one separate. So if God has allowed two people to become married, it is definitely a sin, it’s definitely wrong for someone to then come in and begin the separation. Even if it’s just a date, even if it’s just drinks or whatever, it’s still causing a separation of something God has joined together in holy matrimony. It’s not okay. And I’ve had plenty of not plenty, but I’ve had a girlfriend of mine that she was just like, you know, I met this guy and he’s so great, blah, blah, but he’s married, but he seems to not really want to be married anymore and he really likes me and he says he can’t really talk to his wife, but he can talk to me. And you just kind of get caught up in these I don’t know. I’ve never struggled with this. Thank God I have the best husband in the world. But she was just telling me all these things. I’m like, Sweetheart, no, don’t do it.

Speaker 2

Do not even think about dating this guy at all, period. Ever. And that kind of brings me into my personal advice. One more biblical advice, though, and just so you know, if you have any doubts, like, well, I’m not committing adultery because I’m not married, or the simple heart will make any excuse to sin. And I just want you to be very clear that the Bible is not okay with any form of adultery, whether it’s just premeditated or whatever form it takes. Something very clear. Also, again, in One Corinthians, chapter six, nine and eleven, so basically here Paul is saying that don’t you know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? So if you’re doing something unrighteous like stepping into an adulterous relationship, you will not inherit the kingdom of God. Be not deceived, neither fornicators nor adulterers, nor adulterers. So even if you’re not the person married but you’re committing adultery because you’re being with somebody who is married or you’re being with somebody that you’re not married to, it is sin. You will not inherit the kingdom of God. Verse eleven is your piece of hope that I hope that you would cling to whoever this is.

Speaker 2

In verse eleven, it says, and such were some of you, but you are washed, you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus by our Spirit of God. So basically, I would pray that your decision would be, hey, this is a life that is wrong. I’m going to leave it. I’m going to be washed by you, and I’m going to start something new because you cannot continue in this and can call yourself righteous. Period. And so just as far as personal advice, as a married woman, I would say this is not a good choice for a million reasons. But the biggest thing I would say to you, which is what I said to my friend who was considering dating, not married, not doing anything physical, but dating somebody who was married, which is this if he’s considering dating you while he’s married, he’s going to date somebody else. Even if he says he loves you, even if he promises to commit to you, he does one day commit to you and leave his wife and marry you. He’s demonstrated his character that he’s okay with dating somebody outside of marriage.

Speaker 2

And that’s not somebody you want to get involved with and give your heart to and give your time and your energy and your love to. I’m sorry, it’s not a good choice. So that’s my personal advice. I pray God would lead you by his Holy Spirit, to be married to God, that Jesus would be your husband until you’re ready to find your true earthly husband who is not married, who is single as well, and that God will join you together in a beautiful, loving, married relationship where you’re not always going to be in fear of will he be dating somebody else. That’s not a secure, healthy relationship. You want to be with somebody secure and healthy and who loves and fears God. So again, that’s my advice to you. Jr. Wendy, I know you guys are also very happily married, so I think any other thoughts on that?

Speaker 1

I think he summed it up very well. Like seriously, very well. Yeah. And I think the only thing I don’t really have quick words to say to add to that, I think you covered all the important points to it. I guess what I was thinking is along the lines of I have seen a number of people get into a relationship with someone who’s already in a monogamous relationship and they think that there is something very special to them and very special to their connection with this person and that sort of thing. But keep in mind that person is not emotionally available, even if they pretend to be a little bit. The relationship is not a two way street and they’re avoiding dealing with something by having this sort of side type of relationship. And it’s just like you said, it’s all kinds of problems that you’re going to walk into in that situation. I completely agree with everything Tina said, that you just don’t even want to go there because it’s not what you think it is. No matter what you’re experiencing at the moment, that’s not going to be the reality of it.

Speaker 2

Kind of what you just said reminds me of something that God or Paul says about Moses, about Chapter Eleven, that basically he’d rather suffer with the people of God rather than enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. And a lot of people get into these kind of relationships because they think, oh, it’s fun or whatever for a season, but the end result is just a mess and it’s shameful, it’s embarrassing, and ultimately it’s destruction. If you don’t repent of it, it’s not worth it.

Speaker 1

Sorry, go ahead. No, I agree. I fully agree with everything that you’re saying. It’s not a good situation to get involved with and there’s no good outcome to it, even. Look at like we have a biblical example of the Uriah, david and Uriah. Yeah. And the roles reversed a little bit here, where it’s a man pursuing a married woman, but no good outcome from that. It was tragic, very tragic. And that is what happens in these situations. There are tragic things that occur. If you want to be the one sowing pain and agony, that’s what it’s going to do. And that is not who you want to be. That’s not who God’s calling you to be. God is calling you to be somebody who sows love and connection and meaning and value that comes from a place of love and leads to more love. And that kind of a dynamic is not going to do that. It’s not going to go there. I just don’t recommend it.

Speaker 2

I appreciate you. Definitely not. And the thing is, Davidson, obviously, it ended in the death of his friend and it ended in the death of his illegitimate child, but it also affected him as a parent. He was ineffective as a parent. His children, a lot of them are lost. They won’t be saved because of his poor example. And it affected his children for generations. It doesn’t just affect you and the other person, it affects children. It affects other many other people. And you really have to think of the consequences of just not being a selfish person and thinking of the feelings of others. Yeah.

Speaker 1

And even if you look at some of the situations in the Bible where the man had more than one wife, I mean, these were not in here to set an example of what to do. These were in here just to help us see the results of what happens. Even in those situations, there ends up being conflict and jealousy and anger and bitterness and all kinds of things. And I know there’s people that teach how to have relationships that are more forgiving and gentle and dealing with your jealousy in these kinds of situations and stuff like that, but it’s not bringing any party to the point, to the level of love and connection and wholeness that God is wanting everyone to have. So do these things happen? Yes. But is it God’s best for people? No, that’s not his plan. When you have a connection between a Godly connection between a husband and a wife, and they are fully devoted to each other and there is nobody else involved in that picture and it is just their connection with each other in that sense, it is a powerful, powerful thing. It is so healing to the heart and soul of both parties in it and it’s such a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1

And that’s what God wants for everybody. I’ve never seen that in a relationship that has more people involved in it. Absolutely.

For full episode:
https://youtu.be/MlHSVAgz1lE

Share this video with a friend:
https://youtu.be/4ep2aTlsFNA

In His Service
BibleAsk Team

More answers: