Automatic Transcript Generated:
Speaker 1
Okay, so Robert is asking, if we get offended by someone who wronged us and then not get angry, is it still considered holding a grudge against someone else?
Speaker 2
Thanks, Robert. Great question. And this is definitely something where Christians don’t do a great job speaking about these things a lot and we just talk about it maybe in kind of esoteric error terms at times in terms of forgiveness. But that kind of is the language that the Bible is going to give us. But let’s take a deeper dive about why we should or shouldn’t hold grudges and what all is part of this issue. Now, the Bible has sort of two main points that I think are important to stress. Number one, there is a general rule that God expects us to forgive as he forgives us if we do not forgive others. In our heart, it actually is a sign that we have not really internalized that we ourselves are wretched sinners. Sorry, we have internalized that we’re wretched sinners if we’re not forgiving people. And it means that we don’t value God’s forgiveness that he gave to us. And it may be that we’re not in fact, repentant. And that’s totally going to get in the way then of us being forgiven. And most of all, let us not forget that God is love and we’re called to love others out of gratitude as God has loved us.
Speaker 2
So that’s kind of like one sort of nugget there. Think of why God’s calling us to forgive it’s even for our own good. Secondly, there’s a corollary to it which is also in our own good, which is that holding on to anger, keeping a grudge, or otherwise refusing to forgive somebody is a mentality that will lead us back into sin. So not only do we have the issue of us not being forgiven for past sins, but if we don’t forgive and we hold onto a grudge, that could make us end up doing new sins because it gives Satan this opening into our lives to tempt us and drives a wedge between us and the other person and even between us and God. So now that I’ve sort of given this outline of these two things, one, it makes it hard for us to be forgiven, and then second is going to cause us to sin. Let’s now look at the Bible verses on these two concepts. So, number one, let’s start off with the parable of the unforgiving servant. It’s a story where Jesus talks about how there was this servant who was owed who owed his master 10,000 talents.
Speaker 2
And this is a mind boggling amount of money for back then that there was no hope he would ever in his lifetime be able to make that amount. That’s how Jesus sort of framed it. And then he had a fellow servant who owed him like 100 dinari, which was just a pidance compared to what he had owed. And the master forgave the first servant who owed the ton of money. But then he turns around and finds the servant that owed him just like a few bucks and he laid his hands on him, took him by the throat and said, pay me what you owe me. He’s getting even violent and then threw him into debtors prison until he could pay the debt like extreme. And then we pick up with Matthew 18 at verse 32. So Matthew 18, verse 32, and this is Jesus speaking. The story says then his Master, referring to the master of the original servant who was paid a ton of money after he had called him, said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you all of the debt because you begged me. Should you not also have compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you.
Speaker 2
And his Master was angry and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So the question here is, okay, why is Jesus telling us what does he want to get out of this? Well, who’s that Master who’s he a standing for? Jesus explains in Matthew 18 verse 35, he says, so my heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother, his trespasses. So we have no idea, no comprehension of just how bad our sins are and how much harm they’re doing to other people, how it’s indirectly hurting God. But God is readily willing to forgive these huge sins we do. And yet we have someone who might do one little wrong to us and we might hold a grudge and make a big deal out of it and not want to forgive them. And it almost makes a mockery of God’s forgiveness, right? And again it’s showing we don’t really comprehend sins, we don’t understand our sinfulness, and it’s going to put us in a very perilous state spiritually when it comes to the nature of forgiveness. And we could take a look now at Matthew 18, verses 21 to 22.
Speaker 2
This is earlier in the story actually. It says, then Peter came to Jesus and said, lord, how many times shall my shall my brother sin against me? And I forgive him up to seven times. And Jesus says to him, I do not say to you up to seven times, but 77 times, sorry, 70 times seven, there’s a huge number and that’s not a random number. Seven is a number of completeness and here it’s 70. So seven times ten times seven. And that’s also adds up to 490, which is exactly the period of time that God gave the Jews to rehabilitate to come into and confirm the covenant with God after the return from Babylon, he gave them 490 years. And even still after that period of time, god was still willing to forgive any Jews who would repent and turn to Him as we see with the New Testament Church. So basically Jesus is saying just always forgive, be willing to forgive when that person comes to you and is repentant. And I want to emphasize that part is repentance. So 32 he says then his Master, after he had called Him, said to him, you wicked servant, I forgive you all your deaths because you sorry.
Speaker 2
Don’t need to read that part. But verse 22 it says Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 77. And then there’s a similar parallel verse to this luke 17 three to seven, jesus says, take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, if he repents, forgive him. And I’m not emphasizing this to say if only someone repents to you, do you forgive them? I’m saying that this is a key condition even for you to be forgiven with God. Verse four, he says, and if your sins against you seven times, then we see the 77. So God is really, really emphasizing repentance, forgiveness, do to others as you have had done to you. Now let’s see what the Bible says about forgiving to not sin. Proverbs three, verses 33. We see there that it reads for churning of milk produces butter and pressing the nose brings forth blood. So the churning of anger produces strife. So churning of anger, just letting it simmer, let it cook, letting it persist will lead to strife, pain, hardship, conflict, these sorts of things.
Speaker 2
It’s very much the opposite that we have with love. And we see in one, Corinthians 13, verse five, it says love is not easily angered and it keeps no records of wrongs. So it’s forgiving, it’s letting things in the past be in the past. This is how God wants us to be. The law of God that he’s given us to follow is the law of love. And it’s not just the Ten Commandments, it goes beyond into the realms like this. We’re being called to forgive. And if you don’t believe me that harboring anger actually can lead to sin, if not be sin itself. We see in Matthew five, verse 22, Jesus says, and I’m reading from the NASB version on this, says, but I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court. And whoever says to his brother, you good for nothing shall be guilty before the Supreme Court. And whoever says you fool, shall be guilty enough to go into fiery hell. And it might take some time to unpack this verse, but the evidence here is anger. Jesus says if you’re angry person, you’re harboring anger, you’re angry at everybody.
Speaker 2
You probably do not have the character, the mindset, the spirit within you that actually is reflective of a person who has been saved. In fact, that anger is and harboring it and letting it carry you away is sin. And Ephesians 426 to 27. I’m reading from the from the NIV again, NIV is a little bit better with this one. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold. So here he’s emphasizing, paul is emphasizing if you are harboring that anger, you’re giving an opening a door to your soul where Satan can really tempt you to do bad things. And maybe it cause you to sin a couple times, but worse, he can totally cause you to walk away from God, walk away from a church, walk away from a community, people. You need relationships that would do you good. Satan can use that anger to manipulate you in a sense. And so let’s close with this thought, ephesians four, starting at verse 30. Ephesians four, verse 30. And we’re back to the NKJV. It reads, and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God.
Speaker 2
The Holy Spirit is always working in our hearts, trying to bring us into a state of love. So Paul says, don’t grieve it. Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind to one another, tender hearted forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. I think that’s just a perfect summary of what all we discuss. This is how we are supposed to live, how God wants us to be. And that’s just a beautiful thought there. So I hope this is helpful for you. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been wrong, that you feel the anger, but maybe Wendy, would you like to share a little bit about your favorite quote about forgiveness?
Speaker 1
Yeah, there’s a quote. This is from Dick Tibbets. He has a book on forgive, to Live, which I think is a great book and resource on this topic. And he says that failing to forgive is like taking a poison pill and hoping the other person dies. It doesn’t work that way. Our choice to forgive is for our health and well being. God wants us to forgive because it brings us healing and restoration. And it also happens to help the relationship, help the other person as well. But it’s primarily for us and our benefit. And so I also want to share one key thing here also, that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. In our culture today, most people confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. They are not the same thing. Forgiveness has to occur before reconciliation can occur. But forgiveness in and of itself does not bring about reconciliation.
Speaker 2
Forgiveness is you’ve moved past what they’ve done to you.
Speaker 1
You’ve let go of it. Yeah. Whereas before reconciliation can occur, the restoring.
Speaker 2
Of the relationship right there has to.
Speaker 1
Be trust established and trust has to be earned in a relationship once it’s broken, it has to be restored. And so forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. So I just want people to understand that if they’re struggling with forgiveness, thinking that they have to reconcile, that is not what God is saying.
Speaker 2
Great point. And then Rachel has a great verse one peter 48. Maybe Wendy.
Speaker 1
Therefore be self controlled and sober minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitudes of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.
Speaker 2
Great verse. Thanks, Rachel. Tina, did you have thoughts, comments?
Speaker 3
Yeah, and I just was thinking about this. I was just going to say, yeah, I really like the verse that Rachel shared as well because that’s a really powerful verse. But I guess going back to the original question, I’m kind of picking it apart, I guess. I don’t know if I’m picking it apart more than he’s like, if we get offended by someone who wronged us and then not get angry, is it still considered holding a grudge? So he’s like, I got offended, but I didn’t get angry. I didn’t harbor anger. Is it wrong to get offended? And I guess to me it goes back to that verse in Ephesians four that says to be angry and sin not. I think sometimes it’s not wrong to have righteous indignation. Like if somebody gave me the finger freeway or something, I would be offended because I’m like, that’s an inappropriate gesture. I don’t want my kids to see that that’s not okay. You don’t do that. I wouldn’t like it. I would be offended by that. But would I be angry at that person? No. I’d feel bad for them that they are in a state that they feel that upset that they need to do that.
Speaker 3
So I would forgive them and let it go. But my being offended by it, I don’t think that’s wrong because it’s a bad thing that they did.
Speaker 2
And that’s why I didn’t go into it, because I agree with you. But it’s like, what does offended mean? And it gets into the subjective realm where the Bible doesn’t really go either. Right. And even Jesus talks about like he would offend people, so even not all offense is wrong.
Speaker 3
Yeah, no, definitely. Where’s the salt of the earth and salt can irritate, salt on a wound, salt in your eye. And that is true. And sometimes I’ve said I believe in Jesus and people are offended that I say that. And I’m like, Well, I’m sorry that offends you, but this is my stance. And so I’m just talking about you being personally offended. If you become offended by something that somebody does, things can be offensive, things can upset you, and it’s okay to be upset by bad things, but what you do with that is which way it goes. If it’s like, I’m going to get back at them and hold a grudge or be angry and whatever, yeah, that’s the wrong way. But if you’re like, I didn’t like that. But you know what? I’m going to pray for that person. I’m going to forgive them. I’m going to let it go, and I’m going to try my best to not copy that behavior, and I’m going to see if there’s something I need to do to not cause somebody else to do that. And maybe also just be like, this is a person that reacts negatively, and maybe I need to avoid this kind of person as well.
Speaker 3
So I’m just saying that’s kind of my take on that because I’ve had situations that have happened that way I’m like because it’s hard to know kind of what you do with your feelings sometimes, and you really have to keep that’s why I like that verse in one Peter four eight that Rachel shared. Because to be self controlled, to be in control of your emotions, not to let them run free. Because it’s very easy to let your anger up. Like, trust me, I get it, I’m a Latina. You get angry. But we have to keep those things in control and mentally put them where they need to go. Lord, take away my anger, help me forgive, and just let God help you through.
Speaker 2
Yeah, that’s a good point.
Speaker 3
I’m sorry.
Speaker 2
And that’s a good point that we always try to emphasize here, right? That you can’t always do these things in of your own strength and really take it. Give it to God, cast your cares on Him. Take your anger and just throw that as far away as you can, too, at his feet.
Speaker 3
Amen. And I know there’s so many amazing people out there who’ve had anger issues and who God has helped them through it’s.
For the full episode:
https://youtube.com/live/wZ6b9Ea7_Q0
Share this video with a friend:
https://youtu.be/BbXAMI_Tmwo
In His Service
BibleAsk Team
