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Should I pray not to be with unloving husband in heaven?

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Speaker 1

Alright. So Risa is asking if my husband did not love me, should I pray to not be with him in heaven?

Speaker 2

Risa, your question is very deep and kind of breaks my heart to read that, to think that you’ve married somebody that you don’t feel loves you. And that’s a very serious question because that’s not only talking about your your salvation, but the salvation of your spouse. And so I think it’s very important that no matter what we do always pray for our spouses, even if they’re not the most loving. But I do want to share a few verses with you. So basically I have just three verses that I want us to look at this evening. And so the first one as far as should you pray for your husband? I would have to say yes, pray for him, absolutely. I think that’s the number one thing you should be doing, especially if he’s not showing a loving heart right now. And I would have you look to kind of answer that is in first Peter chapter three and verses one through six. If you look at the book of first Peter, chapter three, verses one through six, this is Peter talking to women in the church and he’s saying likewise you wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word, be won by the conversation of the wives.

Speaker 2

And that word conversation means like lifestyle. So basically by your life, by your actions, you can win your spouse who maybe isn’t a believer to Christ. And he goes on to say how you do this. And so in verses two through six it says while they behold your chaste conversation. So like holy lifestyle coupled with fear. So just being respectful, being a respectful wife to your husband in verse three says who’s adorning what you wear, that kind of thing. Let it not be the outward adorning of plating, the hair wearing of gold, putting on of apparel. So the way you make yourself beautiful to your spouse and to the Lord is not with just an outside adornment with fancy clothes and that sort of thing. But in verse four it says but let it be the hidden man of the heart and that which is not corruptible even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price. So if you’re living a holy life where your focus is not on yourself and just vanity and things like this, you’re going to have a different character and it’s going to be something that cannot be go unnoticed by somebody who’s doubting or questioning if there’s faith in you.

Speaker 2

And so in verses five it says for after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorn themselves being in subjection to their own husbands. And he gives the example in verse six, even as sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement. Now, does this mean that you are supposed to be a doormat and be abused by your spouse? Absolutely not. That is not what this verse is saying at all. It’s saying, though, that if your spouse is unsaved or not behaving in a way, somebody who is saved, which obviously would be unloving, because the Bible is very clear that husbands are supposed to love their wives. This is actually in two verses in the Bible. So the thing is, if your husband is not behaving in a loving manner, he’s not behaving as somebody who is following Christ, then it is your job to simply show him Christ through your life, through your actions, through your respect and courtesy to him in a Christlike way. However, that does not mean that you are to subject yourself to abuse in any way.

Speaker 2

I don’t know if that’s the case. I really hope and pray it’s not. But if that is the case, then it’s very much okay for you to put yourself in a position where you are protecting yourself from somebody who’s giving you harm. I would still say pray for them. Even if that’s the case, even if it is the case for you to separate yourself from somebody who’s abusive, you still should pray for them that they would find the Lord and change their ways so that they will be in heaven. And so the thing is, like I said, there’s two verses in in the Bible that actually command husbands to love their wives. That is a commandment in the Bible for husbands to do. And that’s in the Book of Ephesians, chapter five, verse 25. It says, Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it in the same way that Jesus died, gave everything he had, even to the point of giving his own life for his bride, the church. That’s how a husband is supposed to love his wife. And again, it repeats that in Colossians, chapter three, verse 19.

Speaker 2

It says again, husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. So husbands are not only supposed to love their wives, but also not to hold bitterness or a grudge against their wives. And so that is the example of what a husband should be as one that follows Jesus Christ. Now, if your husband is not loving you and not behaving in a loving way, then they are in opposition to the will of God and God’s direct commandment. And it’s very likely that they are not in a saving relationship with Jesus. And sadly, I hate to say this, but they’re not on a path that’s leading towards heaven. And so I would say, please pray for your husband, that he would come into a right relationship with God where he would know the love of God and then as he knows the love of God, then he can love you, his wife, in the right way. And so one day that you will go to heaven. You’ll be in a loving relationship with him forever. However, if he refuses to obey God’s command to love his wife, to be kind and loving towards you, then you really don’t have anything to worry about as far as eternity.

Speaker 2

But the thing is, I think this is more a test for you to continue to pray for your spouse even when you don’t feel loved, even when you don’t feel those happy good feelings from them, it’s still your duty to pray for them. Even if in the case, the worst case, if he’s abusive and you have to separate yourself from him, still continue to pray for him and surrender your heart and surrender all those hurt feelings you might have towards him, because that’s the only way that you’re going to be ready for heaven is if you love also again, the same way Christ loved. And you know the verse, you know, following Ephesians chapter 20, Ephesians chapter five and verse 25, the next verse in verse 26, excuse me, the preceding one talking about letting the wives be in subjection to their own husbands being respectful, that’s a huge thing with a wife to their husband. Give your husband respect, give him courtesy, pray for him. But again, that doesn’t mean allow abuse. And just pray that he would come into a right relationship with God, because as he does, then the love for you will grow because it will come from the right source, which is from God Jr.

Speaker 2

Wendy, any other thoughts on that?

Speaker 3

Yeah, I think what you said was spot on. And I just want to reinforce what you said with one of my favorite verses that’s first John 419 and it says, we love him because he first loved us. And it’s a beautiful verse because I think it also fits in with even our own relationships, where usually the story goes that the man first loves the wife and then the wife reciprocates. I bet you enough weddings, though, that’s like 99% of time this week of but here it’s sad because, yeah, the husband doesn’t know Christ yet. We can know that because he’s not loving. And so the solution here is really just pray that the Lord can someday become known to him and that the love of God will fill his heart and sometimes even spouses, as being a showed, can’t play a role in that. So we pray for the best here for you and your husband and that he can come to know Christ and you could come to know the love of your husband.

Speaker 2

Amen.

Speaker 1

And I think also just to reiterate the point that in heaven there won’t be anything but love.

Speaker 2

Amen.

Speaker 1

Sin will be done away with. There will be no sin, there will be no separation from God. From love.

Speaker 3

And this is a key point that we’re going to keep coming back to again and again in these videos.

Speaker 1

Yeah. So there’s really nothing to worry about in heaven specifically. It’s more just a matter of, like Tina said, praying that his heart will be moved, will be changed, so that’s that he will be able to be there as well.

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In His Service
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