The hurt seemed more than being stabbed. When you work so hard with tears in every step hoping that you can achieve your desired goal and fail, this is really hard. But when this happens time after time and for a long period until you have no more to give, this is one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone. I had one choice either to give myself to total depression or give up on life.
I thought about it long. Will tears bring back the time, energy and resources that I lost? If I give up to depression, what would I gain? Nothing. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don’t want to get sick…I want to live and be happy.
It feels that no one really cares. You may say God does. But why did He allow this to happen to me? Is there a good reason for what happened to me. I don’t understand.
When I look at the Cross I am assured that He loves me and that if He was willing to die for me, He will not hold any good thing from me. If I believe He loved me to death, then I have to rest in Him and let Him work His will in my life.
I have to believe that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28. “All things” mean the good and the bad experiences.
It is said that gold is purified with fire.
In the mean time, I just need to keep my eyes focused on Him!
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand