How do I come out of a sexual relationship with my boyfriend?

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Speaker 1 All right. So Ada is asking my boyfriend and I always used to talk about blessings, but we’ve become sexually active and haven’t spoken about blessings anymore. I’ve been feeling bad. We only deal with each other. I thought, as long as we don’t go outside. But my feelings got the best of me.

Speaker 2 All right, my friend Ada, you know, my heart is with you. This is definitely, you know, a difficult situation that you’re in right now. And I I want you to first know that God loves you and he is such a good God and a merciful God, and he’s the first one. I’m glad that you’re coming to us Bible ask because to me, it tells me that your heart is wanting to turn to God for an answer as to maybe what to do next and just kind of some guidance. And the first thing that I always want to tell anybody who’s in a situation that they don’t know what to do is that God is a God of love and a God of mercy. And I want to show you kind of that in a story, if you don’t mind going to the Book of John, chapter eight. And we’ll just look at verses three through eleven and we’ll go through them pretty quick. John, chapter eight, verses three through eleven. And it reads there, sorry. It says, then the scribes and Pharisees brought to him, being Jesus, a woman who was caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst so basically these Pharisees were trying to show Jesus, hey, this woman was doing something wrong.

Speaker 2 She was caught in adultery, which is basically a sexual sin. You’re not supposed to be sleeping with somebody outside of marriage. And if you keep going in the story, it goes on to say that they said to him, teacher, this woman was caught in adultery in the very act. And you keep going to verse five says, now Moses and the Law commanded us that such should be stoned, but what do you say? So they’re saying that basically in the Old Testament Law that a woman who or both the man and the woman who were caught in adultery should receive the death penalty. It was very serious. And Jesus goes on to do something very interesting here. If you keep going in verse six, it says, they said to him, testing him, that they might have something to which accuse him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with his finger as though he did not hear. So basically Jesus starts writing something in the dirt or in the sand. And I don’t want to be presumptuous, but what I’m thinking is it was probably the sins of these men who were trying to accuse her.

Speaker 2 And if you keep going in the story so when they continued asking him, he raised himself up and said to them, he who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first. And then it goes on to say that. And again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. So again he’s still writing something very interesting. And in verse nine it says then those who heard it being convicted by their conscience. So something that he was writing was convicting their conscience. They went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last, and Jesus was left alone and the woman standing in the midst. And so Jesus says something very interesting to her in the next two verses. So in verse ten it says then when Jesus had raised himself up and saw no one but the woman, he said to her, woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you? And in verse eleven it says, she said, no one, Lord. And Jesus said to her, neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more. So basically the point of this story is that Jesus is saying, look, I know that you have made a mistake and this mistake is wrong, but I’m not here to condemn you, I’m not here to make you feel awful about it.

Speaker 2 But I do want you to go and sin no more. I want you to leave this path because this path leads to basically losing your salvation and eternal death. And that is the last thing that God wants for you. God wants you to turn to Him and to live and have peace and a life more abundant. And so in the Bible, the Apostle Paul gives advice as far as what God would like for us to do with our bodies. And we see that in Romans, chapter twelve, verses one and two, where he basically says that to present your bodies a living sacrifice unto God, which is your reasonable service. And verse two says that and to not be conformed to this world, so not to do things that maybe people in the world would do, but be transformed, so be changed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. So to my friend Ada, I would say I would come to God and just say god, my life, my body, my everything is yours. And I want to dedicate it to you for your holy service.

Speaker 2 And God, I need to put away this sin. And so maybe what you need to do, Ada, right now is to get on your knees and pray this prayer that Lord, I come to you and I acknowledge my sin and I ask you to forgive me. And one John one nine says that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And showing that you indeed are repentant, I would then break off this relationship, because this is an adulterous or relationship or fornication. And if this man that you’re dating is serious about you, he will make himself right with God and desire a holy relationship with you and ultimately a marriage relationship with you before you do anything sexual again. And just to reiterate what I’m saying, as far as God’s seriousness about marriage and the sexual relationship we have, we see this in Hebrews chapter 13, verse four, where it basically says that marriage is honorable and the bed in marriage is undefiled. There’s nothing wrong with sex. Sexual relationships are not wrong in marriage. They’re absolutely fine. It’s part of us being created in the image of God that we can procreate.

Speaker 2 But the rest of the verse also says but adulterers and fornicators God will judge. Make no mistake that if you sin and sexually, there will be a judgment for you. So I plead with you, my sister, out of complete love, to make that decision to turn from this as part of your past, learn from it and move on, and now walk in the way that God wants you to walk. Because like it says in Ezekiel, Chapter 18, verse 32, it says that I do not desire that any. I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked would turn from their wicked ways and live. And so God’s will for you is that you will live. And when you live in Christ, it is a life more abundant and God will have something so much better for you if you just simply wait for that. And I would sincerely pray that you would stay single until you’re married. Let God be your husband and until the time he gives you the husband you’re supposed to have. And so that you’ll enter into a marriage relationship that you’ll have peace about, you’ll have joy in, and it’ll just be a blessing for your life, because trust me, there’s nothing as wonderful as being married to the right person and having saved yourself for that person.

Speaker 2 If you’ve asked for forgiveness, god will cleanse you and make you new. And so that would be my advice to you, my sister, Jr. Wendy, do you have any other thoughts on that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wanted to also add just as a verse of encouragement, psalm 37 four.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I figured.

Speaker 1 I think this verse is just so important in the context of relationships. And you do not want to be in a long term relationship or even an intimate relationship with anyone that is not the one God wants for you. Because being in a relationship with someone has such a profound impact on every bit of who you are and of your body, your body, your mind, everything. And when you aren’t with the right person, there are so many challenges that present themselves and that come up, that aren’t meant to be there, that aren’t meant to happen. And so if we can stick Psalm 37 four up, I really want to share that this is the verse that God gave to me in the context of relationships. And it says, delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart. Another version of this says, commit your way to the Lord and he will fulfill the desires of your heart. And that is such a powerful verse because why are you in a relationship but to have like you want the desires of your heart fulfilled. That’s part of why we get into relationships.

Speaker 1 God put a desire in our heart to be married, to be with, to have a lifelong companion. And when we follow his way, which means waiting until we’re married to have intimacy, that is his path for us. And he says when we follow his way, he will fulfill the desires of our heart. So let’s just follow his way and hang on and let Him do that work. I know it can be hard at times.

Speaker 3 Takes a lot of faith.

Speaker 1 It takes faith, it takes self work and self control and understanding why we’re doing the things we’re doing. A lot of people have had childhood sexual abuse or other kinds of things throughout life that have created extreme extra difficulties in this regard. And God doesn’t want you to take that in a marriage. He wants to work with you before marriage to address those things and to get the healing that you need so that when you do have the right person, you can have a beautiful, wonderful relationship with them without it being intoxicated with all of this other baggage that life sometimes hangs on us.

Speaker 3 This great point. And just to sort of reemphasize what both of you are saying too, just God can forgive anything. And I think people who have had premarital sex probably carry a lot of baggage with that and think almost like it is the unforgivable sin, like they always carry that scarlet letter on them. But God can purify us from all of our sins, any sins. And what’s important is to know that we have no ability to make ourselves pure. But Christ gives his purity back to us. Usually the Bible uses a symbol of like a white robe. We get our clothes dirty all the time and God takes off our dirty clothes and puts on a clean robe that he washed. That’s his purity and he puts that on us and then we can be pure again through Him. So I think that’s very important concept, but you can never do it on your own. It’s not in your strength. But just bond to Christ purity and you can, I think, find a way to move on. And then another interesting observation. I noticed how Ada mentioned how it seemed to be okay at first and then all of a sudden the relationship dynamics changed.

Speaker 3 And it’s really interesting, you see that in two Samuel 1315 and maybe this is a bit more dramatic, the context here is Amnon, one of King David’s sons, was infatuated with his half sister and arranged then to have her come take care of him. And then he proceeded to rape her. So they didn’t necessarily have even a boyfriend girlfriend relationship to begin with. But then right after he raped her second Samuel 1315 it says, then Amnon hated her exceedingly so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, Arise and be gone. And she said, Please, you already had sex with me. Basically, now we’re married, we should be staying together. And he just kicked her away. Said, yeah. No, indeed. This evil sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me. But he would not listen to her. Satan tempts us with our lust and then once that happens, anything can happen. Sex can only happen safely in a relationship of true love, committed love that God puts between people he’s brought together in marriage. In marriage.

Speaker 1 And that’s when it brings people closer together as opposed to gradually sowing seeds.

Speaker 3 Of separation because lust can easily turn into hate, into anything else. And then yeah, that’s not a good relationship.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And just someone who’s had a lot of friends over the years who had sexual relationships outside of marriage and they’ve ended up either having children, getting pregnant and becoming single mothers and I mean, it’s just a rough road ahead. And God is trying to spare you from a lot of heartache and pain by having you wait until your marriage or marriage.

Speaker 3 That’s a huge point. A lot of these Thou shalt not that God has are for our own protection too.

Speaker 1 For our benefit.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It doesn’t always seem like it exactly.

Speaker 2 I would just say you do. You my sister again, I love you and God loves you and I’m praying for you in a special way today because I know this is difficult. But please, I beg of you, turn to God for strength and make that decision to cut this relationship and move forward in your walk with Christ. And as you depend on Him even more than before, you’ll see a beautiful relationship with Jesus. And as you get to know Him, he will then in time reveal to you who it is that you should end up with.

Speaker 3 Praise God that we can die daily and be born again in who amen we’re not our past. Yes.

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